What's in a name? Well, if you're lucky enough to be a "John Smith," probably not a whole lot. Let's face it, your name is pretty damned easy and even a second grader with a lazy eye would be hard pressed to get it wrong. Myself, however, am a different matter entirely. You see, I'm a Pollestad and that comes with a lot of baggage. Aside from the fact that it sucks royally, people are constantly misspelling and mispronouncing it on a daily basis. Also, every picture that I have ever seen of a Norwegian person looks really gay so imagine the pressure on me to keep up expectations. But hey, the domain name was available, right?

Recently, though, I've been a little less down on myself. Sure, my name makes no sense but that's also a good thing. It doesn't rhyme with anything sexual nor can it easily be turned into any kind of juvenile insult. (However, if you are of the creative type and still happen to have access to juveniles, contact me and we can work out some kind of royalty system to start making this happen.) There are a lot of people in this world who can't say the same. Yes, I'm looking at you, Ben Dover.

The fine folks at ancestry.com recently put a new tool online that allows people to search the Social Security Death Index (link) for information on Americans who are no longer with us. I'm sure a tool like this has many legit uses such as genealogical inquiries but this is Pollestad.Net and legit isn't in our vocabulary. Rather, today, we're going to make ourselves feel better by finding people who had it a lot worse off name-wise than we do and silently chuckle at their misfortune. (Actually, if you feel the need to do more than silently chuckle, go ahead -- they're dead and they can't hear you.)

So, without further ado, let's continue along on our tour of real stuff that is funnier than stuff we could have made up. (Just to reiterate, yes, all of the names below are real names and we didn't make any of them up. I'm sure some of you will still email me asking me if these are real, so feel free to look them up yourselves. Some of the entries include the years they lived, others do not because I'm lazy.)

Let's start off with some "famous" people:

• HOMER J SIMPSON (1907 - 1987)
  
• DONALD W DUCK (1918 - 2004)
  
• MINNIE MOUSE (1892 - 1968)
  
• INDIANA S. JONES (1922 - 2000)
  
• CLARK KENT (1906 - 1963)
  
• BRUCE WAYNE (1915 - 1977)
  
• PETER PARKER (1960 - 1985)
  

These people sound famous but they are not:

• CAPTAIN OUTRAGEOUS
  
• HAROLD SUPERMAN (1909 - 1979)
  
• RAYMOND BATMAN (1915 - 1999)
  
• ABSOLUTELY NOBODY
  
• EARLY BYRD
  
• MISTER PERSON (1966 - 2007)
  
• PRESIDENT WASHINGTON (1912 - 1970)
  
• JOHN NAZI (1931 - 2003)
  
• PRINCE FUNNY (1924 - 1967)
  
• MANLY MANN (1903 - 1982)
  
• MASTER C DUCKWORTH (1936 - 1982)
  

Now, we veer off into the weird and off-the-wall:

• THE OWL (1941 - 1991)
  
• MAJOR SMALL (1916 - 1960)
  
• BLACK WOMAN (1889 - 1966)
  
• JOE ROBOT (1899 - 1961)
  
• CHRIST JOHN CHRIST (1918 - 2008)
  
• JESUS G CONDOM
  
• HYMAN DOCTOR (1897 - 1982)
  
• FREE TROUT
  
• ROGER SCABBY FACE
  
• SUCKY TOLLIVER (1905 - 1996)
  
• ALIEN CHOCKLETT
  
• FRENCH FRY
  
• CRAZY JIM
  
• DUDE LOVE (1900 - 1973)
  
• ITCHY BIRKAS
  
• PINKIE FINGERS (1929 - 2007)
  
• ZOLTAN KISS (1931 - 2003)
  
• POSITIVE LOVE RAY
  
• BEN A LESBO
  
• BEN A KLUTZ
  
• COKE NUTT
  
• SUSIE FOOL HEAD
  
• A MORON
  
• LAZY KEITH
  
• MAGIC ENCHANTRESS CREAMER (1974 - 2007)
  
• LOL FUGIT
  
• WILL MORON READ (1927 - 1989)
  
• DOCTOR THREAT (1903 - 1966)
  
• JIMMY BEETUS (1946 - 1981)
  
• DONNIE L GHOST DOG
  
• IONA DOLPHIN (1905 - 1980)
  
• OTTO E PILOT (1912 - 2000)
  
• BOOTY JONES (1892 - 1969)
  
• TEMPLE BALLS (1913 - 1972)
  
• GROSS SHORTS (1916 - 1985)
  
• MY HIP (1914 - 1994)
  
• OLD GRIZZLY (1930 - 1998)
  

Happy super fun time with Asian names:

• WING J SHIT (1920 - 2000)
  
• SOO FAT (1903 - 1974)
  
• LO FAT (1914 - 1995)
  
• CHIN FAT (1885 - 1968)
  
• MEN ON MAN (1939 - 1993)
  
• YUNG MAN (1907 - 1993)
  
• WO MAN (1895 - 1984)
  
• DUNG CHEW
  
• KOW DUNG (1899 - 1980)
  
• POO PARK (1940 - 1986)
  
• P TANG (1954 - 2006)
  
• FUK YU (1930 - 1996)
  

No list is complete without some juvenile sex references:

• ERNEST BONER (1887 - 1973)
  
• JACK ASS (1958 - 2003)
  
• IDA ASS (1922 - 1997)
  
• JOSEPH VAGINA (1876 - 1966)
  
• HUGH GASS
  
• ELEUTERIO PENIS
  
• MARGARET M ANUS (1905 - 1991)
  
• JOYCE S POOP
  
• HARRY BALZ
  
• BONER HAMMERS (1921 - 1981)
  
• C NIPPLE
  
• IGNATIUS ASSMAN
  
• JACK HOFF
  
• VIRGINIA GROPER (1912 - 1995)
  
• BIG JOHNSON
  
• ANITA DICK
  
• HARRY BOOB (1900 - 1975)
  
• ANAL C FREESE
  
• ROSE E. BUTT
  
• PRICY BUTT
  
• ELECTRIC BUTTRAM (1918 - 1982)
  
• NEIL DOWN
  
• DIXON COX
  
• WILLIE RAPE
  
• DICK HEAD (1909 - 1957)
  
• RICHARD SUCKER
  
• IMA F HOOKER
  
• URA DICK
  
• URA PECKERMAN (1914 - 2008)
  
• JUANA PIS (1908 - 1976)
  
• HARRY SACK
  
• GUY R GAY
  
• NOLA BLOWS
  
• GOLDEN FAGGS (1903 - 1967)
  
• A FAGG
  
• HARRY BEAVER
  
• HENRY TAINT
  
• COLON TINKER
  
• MASTER COX
  
• PETER BALSAC
  
• CHARLES B SEX
  
• GAY N WOODY (1922 - 1990)
  
• LIMP WILSON
  
• BOO B HAM (1942 - 2007)
  
• OLIVE HISCOCK
  
• MARTHA B KINKY
  
• TINY JOHNSON
  
• ORAL LOVE
  
• JUNIOR DICK (1971 - 1993)
  
• GAY N GRUMBLES
  
• TINY HOOKER
  
• BERTHA BANGS
  
• GAY LUST
  
• DAYTON ACOCK
  
• MARY ACOCK
  
• NADA HOAR (1932 - 1986)
  
• HARRY CHODES (1903 - 1992)
  
• GAYLORD TRAIN
  
• HELEN BLOWS (1884 - 1975)
  
• URANUS SPARKS (1921 - 1990)
  
• SEAMAN RYDER
  
• STEPHEN POOPOO
  

And finally, we wrap up with some miscellaneous entries:

• C COCAINE
  
• ANITA P BATH
  
• ANITA MANN
  
• WOODROW KICKING WOMAN
  
• HOLY WOMAN
  
• MURDER WILLIAMS
  
• MOLESTER J HUNTER
  
• BARON C CRAPS (1907 - 1993)
  
• VERY BLAND (1979 - 1999)
  
• CAMEL DANCER
  
• FRANK STANK
  
• WILLIE PEED
  
• FLOWER MANN
  
• ROSE A STENCH (1926 - 2008)
  
• GAS BALL
  
• FLAVA FUDGE
  
• BIG KNIFE (1900 - 1968)
  
• A MORON (1943 - 1994)
  
• IVANA CAR
  
• DELICIOUS IVORY
  
• JEW DOG
  
• CHAR P DOUCHE (1906 - 1988)
  
• IDA CRACKER
  
• MAX POWERS
  
• ERNEST GETS DOWN OFTEN (1907 - 1990)
  
• EDDIE EVIL
  
• DAMN FRAZIER
  
• MARY A LOBSTER (1898 - 1995)
  
• ELF J PEDLER (1919 - 2006)
  
• IMA DINGUS
  
• IMA SMELLY
  

As children, we're all taught to love your fellow man but we here at the PNC like to teach that you should love to ridicule your fellow man instead because it makes you feel better about your own inadequacies and, if that doesn't do it for you, there is always prescription medication. I'll admit that all of this verbal Viagra has really got me going now. Before we adjourn, I would just like to thank all of the LOTTA BUSH's and RICHARD WEED's of the world for making me feel a little more normal today. Your life and whatever you managed to accomplish in it, was totally worth it.